The Life I Keep
by glittersniffer.xx
Summary: When Edward left Bella was diagnosed with leukemia and starting writing songs hoping to gain his attention. With help from the Cullens will Bella get the closure she desires before its too late and how will Edward react to the news of his love dying? ExB
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I Own only the plot!! And a character or two.**

**SUMMARY: **When Edward left Bella started writing songs hoping to get Edward's attention. She also has a life threatening secret that Carlisle knows of. Will Bella get the closure she desires before it's to late? More importantly how will he take the news of his love dying. Formerly known as I Can't Break It To My Heart.

**AN: After much consideration I have re-written a number of chapters as I thought they were lame and I know I can do better. The plot has not been changed, only the way I have written everything. I hope you think this is better than the original. I know I do. Please review or PM and tell me what you think. Also all songs mention in this fic are real songs. In this chapter all the songs mentioned are by the fabulous Delta Goodrem and I take no credit for her work. Happy reading!!**

**Chapter 1**

**BPOV.**

It's been over a year since my disastrous 18th birthday and since I found out the news that has changed my life forever.

Two weeks after _he _left I was diagnosed with acute promyelocytic leukemia. As a personal request I had my doctor at the time to contact none other than Dr. Carlisle Cullen to help with my treatments. He has been wonderful. Keeping my secret from his family and making many trips to Forks for my chemo and radiation therapy.

During the third month of my treatment I was affected by renal failure. At first the doctors were worried I wouldn't make it but I was extremely lucky to have been found a match for a kidney transplant. Carlisle stayed in Forks until I was released from hospital a month after my downfall, even though he had a hard time trying to convince rest of his family that he was going to be staying in _'Seattle' _for a _'medical conference'. _

In February, two weeks after I was released from hospital the hole that has been punched through my chest seemed to ripping it self open more and more everyday because I yearned for my love to help me through this. I was constantly fighting with myself to ask Carlisle to call and tell _him_ about my illness but then I would remember that he no longer loves me.

The song writing started when I was supposed to be on bed rest. Charlie was at the station so I decided to look around the spare bedroom, which we use for storage, to see what I could find. That's when I noticed Grandma Swan's piano. It was hidden under an old sheet in the corner behind a pile of boxes. That's when it hit me. If I wanted _him_ to know that I need him more than ever, then I needed to communicate this message somehow, so I started writing songs. I hadn't played the piano since Nana Beth died when I was twelve so I was a bit rusty. At first I nearly gave up because the piano reminded me of you-know-who and it hurt an insuperable amount, but when I am actually singing my songs it's like some kind of release where I am in my own world, where I can forget about the cancer and I can forget about the hole in my chest where my heart used to be.

In May Susan Gardot, a fellow senior, suggested I go to an open mic night in Port Angeles. She said there are always scouts at these things and that I had talent. I wasn't even going to consider it at first because I know for a fact scouts do not want to fund songwriters with a life threatening illness due to insurance and such. But after a bit of a shove from my friends and family I gave it a go just for the hell of it.

After I left the stage I was approached by one of the scouts that were there that night. She said I had a raw talent and would love to fund me. We went to a private room at the club and discussed a contract and the finer details. I informed her of my current condition and she said she would love to fund me anyway.

When my first song _I Can't Break It To My Heart _was released, shortly after my newly acquired record deal, the response to my music was unbelievable. Also at this time my chemo was going really well and I found it strange that I hadn't lost my hair. Carlisle said that the chemo affects everyone differently and not to worry.

In September I was working on my first album which followed the success of two more songs. _Fragile _and_ This Is Not Me_. And just days after my 19th birthday I went into my first clinical remission.

It's now November and I've been on remission for two months and everything is perfect, well almost.


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: I only own the dazzling Eddiekins :P**

**Chapter 2**

**APOV**

Its been thirteen months since we left Forks, sixty-one weeks since I last saw my best friend and four hundred and twenty-seven days since my family was broken apart thanks to my stubborn brother who needs to pull his head out of his ass.

My family hasn't been the same since we left Forks. It seems empty, incomplete and broken. Bella made it whole and now that she's missing from our life, well existence, everyday seems like torture. No one seems the same any more. Esme's broken it's like she's lost another child, Emmett and Rosalie moved away only to come back two days ago, but yet Emmett isn't his immature kid like self and Rosalie won't even look in the mirror because she feels horrible after the way she treated Bella. Jasper feels guilty all the time and Carlisle is always away for meetings or is filling in for doctors in Seattle. Most of the time I feel like hiding in his suit case and going with him so I can sneak off to Forks to see on Bella, but of course I can't because if Edward found out, which he most likely would, he would tear me to shreds.

Hows Edward you may ask. Well lets just say he's there but not really. It's like he's empty but I don't think that could even describe it. Most of the time he curls up in a ball in a corner and lets the misery get to him. He might not be here with the rest of us but it's not like I don't know. I haven't seen him in nine months, in person that is, and I miss him, everyone does.

I was thinking all of this on the floor in my closet while debating whether or not to call Edward and ask him to come home. I must have been there for hours just staring at my cell before picking it up and dialling Edward's number. It rang thirteen times before he answered.

"What Alice?" he sighed. I could hear the annoyance in his voice.

"What? Can't your sister call just to see how you are because she is concerned about her brother?"

"I'm fine Alice, now if that's all you want can I go back to what I was doing now?" he grumbled.

"Bullshit Edward you're not fine. Psychic remember and no that's not all I called for"

"Then what do you want?" he snapped.

"I want you to come home even if it's just for a day. Plleeeaaaassssseeeeee"

"No"

"Why not?"

"Because I..."

"Because what Edward huh? I miss you, we all do and Esme really wants to see you." I interrupted.

"Because I... Because I don't want to" he hesitated.

"Fine whatever. Forget I even asked. How about you go and sulk in a corner if that's more important than your family" I snapped.

I didn't give him a chance to reply as I snapped my phone shut and threw it at the wall. Surprisingly it didn't smash. I cussed under my breath at how stubborn he was being before I was pulled into a vision.

_Emmett, Rosalie, Esme, Jasper and I were standing in a hospital talking to Carlisle when paramedics came rushing in with a girl who is pale, anorexic looking and is throwing up blood. Everything is all fuzzy and I can't see clearly so I can't see what the girl looks like but she somehow looks really familiar. Carlisle mumbles something and then runs over to the girl at a human pace as she coughs up more blood. She looks over at us briefly and then she goes unconscious._

When the vision ended my eyes snapped open and my eyes met Jasper's.

"Alice? Alice honey what did you see?".

"How did I get on the bed?" I whispered

"You're vision lasted atleast ten minutes. I walked into the closet to check on you just as you went into it because I heard you yelling on the phone"

"Oh"

"What did you see Alice? Worry and curiosity is rolling off of you like a tsunami"

I told him that I wanted to explain it to the rest of the family as well, so we walked down stairs into the living room where the rest of the family were.

I explained the vision with as much detail as I could. When I finished they all had the same look on their faces. They looked as though I just told them I burnt my shoe collection.

We sat in the living room for hours discussing whether or not we should go see Carlisle in Seattle and see who the girl is or wait until he comes home in five days to ask him about it and what it means. We were nearly at a decision when Emmett, as usual, pops up and says something that starts a whole new debate.

"How about while we're in Seattle one or two of us go to Forks and check on Bella just to see if she is okay, because I miss my little sister."

"No way! Edward will kill us if he found out." Rosalie said to Emmett

"What he doesn't know won't kill him, we will just have to watch our thoughts when we're around him." Emmett retaliated.

"Oh yeah sure Emmett, you know very well that one of us will probably let it slip when he's around." Jasper growled.

"He's right dear, even if we do manage to keep it from slipping into our thoughts he would figure it out sooner or later" Esme replied

"Esme's right" I sighed

"So... are we going to see Carlisle because I am in desperate need to get away from here, looking at snow 24/7 is depressing and irritating." Rosalie complained.

"Fine we will go. But if I find out any of you have gone so much as 100 miles near Forks there will be hell to pay" warned Esme in a motherly tone.

"Yes Mom" We said in unison.

Everyone then went to their rooms to pack while I booked plane tickets and a hotel. Once everything was booked and I finished packing I went to find Emmett. He was playing some video game in the living room.

"Hey Emmett can we go hunting I want to talk to you about something" I said with a hint of sneakiness in my voice.

"What ever it is I didn't do it" he instantly replied.

"Emmett" I growled

"Fine. I'll come"

We took off the out back door and into the forest. We ran for about half an hour before I slowed to a walk. I just wanted to make sure we were out of ear shot.

"So what did you want to talk about Alice?" asked Emmett

"I want to go to Forks so I can see Bella. I miss her so much Emmett and I know you do to so I wanted to tell you my plan so we can sneak off and go and see her."

"But what about Edward and if he find out?"

"Screw Edward. I don't care what he thinks or what he will do if he found out. I miss my best friend and I want to see her."

"Hmmm, I don't know Alice?" I rolled my eyes and sighed.

"This is not the time to be smart Emmett".

"You do know that we would get into so much shit if we got caught".

"Plleeeaaaassssseeeeee Emmett stop being such a pussy, I really really want to see her."

"Fine, but how will we do it without anyone finding out?"

"I have just the thing"

--

The next morning was a drag, the plane was delayed, the airport was super busy and it took forever to get passed security. When we were finally on the plane and it took off I had another vision.

_We were at the luggage carousel and we were just about to leave the airport when we caught a familiar scent that we couldn't place. We noticed that the scent was coming from the same girl from the hospital but she was surrounded by paparazzi. She standing next to a blonde girl and was talking to a reporter when she froze and looked directly at us and then shook her head and looked away._

"Alice dear are you okay?" asked Esme as she squeezed my hand.

"Yeah I'm fine"

"Okay sweety" she then turned back to the book she was reading and I turned my attention to the screen in front of me. Some music show was on and the host was talking about some unimportant thing. There wasn't anything else worth watching and I was about to turn my screen off when the host said something that caught mine and the rest of the families attention.

He started talking about Bella and her recently released top of the charts album. The fuck?

I swear my jaw was on the ground and my eyes were about to pop out of my head when the host said Bella's name. I thought I was hearing things but the rest of the family had the same look on their faces.

I turned back to the screen and fair enough there was Bella. They were playing her latest music video. I think the song was called Last Night On Earth.

**It's the last night on earth before the great divide  
My hands are shaking time was never on our side  
And there's no such thing as a beautiful goodbye  
As an ordinary day I prayed for you a thousand times**

**It's never enough  
No matter how many times I tried to tell to tell you this is love**

**If tomorrow never comes I want you to know right now that I  
I'm gonna love you until the day I die  
If tomorrow falls asleep can you hold me first  
I'm gonna love you like it's the last night on earth  
Like it's the last night on earth**

_**A penny for your thoughts  
A picture so it lasts  
Let's knock down the walls of immortality  
Your fingers on my skin only you can hear my fear  
Only you can help me heal  
I see forever with you here**__**If tomorrow falls asleep can you hold me first  
I'm gonna love you like it's the last night on earth**_

**It's never enough no matter how many miles stand between us this is love**

**If tomorrow never comes I want you to know right now that I  
I'm gonna love you until the day I die  
If tomorrow falls asleep can you hold me first  
I'm gonna love you like it's the last night on earth**

**It's never enough  
No it's never enough  
(it's never enough)  
Oohh**

**The afterglow  
The horizon line  
The shadows fall  
Will you still be mine?  
Will you still be mine?  
Will you still be mine? I ask**

**If tomorrow never comes I want you to know right now that I  
I'm gonna love you until the day I die  
**

Her voice was like the smoothest silk and the emotion when she sings the lyrics would give me goosebumps if I could get them. Her lyrics were so beautiful, peaceful, perhaps even painful, but in a good way. It was like she was easing her pain but yet expressing her deepest desires.

By the time the song ended I was thinking of the most painful way to torture Edward.

"Alice honey can you please calm down you're making me want to tear Emmett apart" whispered Jasper

"Sorry Jasper but in all honesty I am going to kill someone... well a certain ignorant vampire" I mumbled

"Don't do anything to rash Alice" murmured Jasper

"I'll try my hardest not to" I said sarcastically.

"Can I help Alice? He's really done it this time" said Emmett

"Sure Emmett. The more pain the better"

"Sweet. The next time I see that ignorant, stubborn, dumb ass vamp..."

"Cram it Emmett" said Rosalie

"Yes Rose" mumbled Emmett

No one said anything after that so I rested my head on Jasper's shoulder and closed me eyes and let his waves of calmness help me relax.

This plane just couldn't get to Seattle fast enough.

**AN: Chapter 2 re-write complete. Yes I know I changed the song that was originally used in this chapter but I like this one better... the changes in this chapter aren't as drastic as the last but there are some obvious ones as you can tell... I hope you like it :)**

**with love,**

**glittersniffer**

**xx **


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: I OWN EVERYTHING!!! Stephenie Meyer is just a figment of your imagination... no not really I did own it though.**

**AN: My character Allana is pronounced al-an-ah not al-arn-arh!! Character named after my best friend!!**

**Chapter 3**

**BPOV**

_**Dream**_

"_You... don't... want me?"_

"_No."_

"_Well that changes things."_

_He looked away into the trees when he spoke again. "Of course I will always love you... in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm... **tired** of pretending be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human." he looked back to me. _

" _I've let this go on much too long and I'm sorry for that."_

"_Don't." I whispered. "Don't do this."_

"_You're not good for me Bella."_

"_If... that's what you want." he nodded once. My body was numb and I had trouble breathing._

"_I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much." he said._

"_Anything." I vowed_

"_Don't do anything reckless and stupid. Do you understand what I'm saying?" I nodded "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself for him." I nodded again._

"_I will." I whispered_

"_And I will make a promise in return. I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without anymore interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."_

_It was if my knees where shaking because everything started to spin and wobble._

_He smiled gently "Don't worry you're human – your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."_

"_And your memories." I asked_

"_Well." he hesitated "I won't forget. But __**my **__kind... we're very easily distracted." he smiled and stepped away from me. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."_

"_Alice isn't coming back." I realized_

"_No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."_

"_Alice is gone."_

"_She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you."_

_I was dizzy and it was hard to concentrate._

"_Goodbye Bella."_

"_Wait!" I chocked out. Reaching for him, for a moment I though he was reaching for me too but his cold hands locked around my wrists and he pinned them at my sides. He leaned down and pressed his lips on my forehead very slightly for an instant. My eyes closed._

"_Take care of yourself." he breathed. There was a light unnatural breeze. He was gone._

_**End Dream**_

My eyes snapped open and I broke down just like I do every night when I wake up from that painful and torturous memory. I cry myself to sleep every night not just in fear of re-visiting the last time I saw his god like face that painful day in the forest but because I miss him so.

The tears kept on streaming down my face and I continued to sob when Allana, my best friend other than Alice of course, was suddenly at my side comforting me.

"Shh Bella honey, it's okay, it was only a dream." she whispered as she rocked us back and forth. Her cold skin is comforting and always helps me relax.

Allana isn't just my best friend she is also like a sister and a vampire. She isn't your average vampire though, she is a hybrid and she has a powerful ability. She has the gift of resurrection, but after the resurrection is complete the human is a vampire. Because she is a hybrid she is more human like and has human traits. Strangely enough human food gives as much strength as blood does. She prefers food as she says that it gives her a better connection to humans.

Allana is the scout that approached me at the open mic night in Port Angeles, she has helped me with so much and we became fast friends. We share an apartment - well penthouse would be more precise – in Seattle not far from the hospital.

We were currently on our way home from New York and I was dreading facing the paparazzi that awaits us at the airport. Two weeks ago the media found out about my leukemia and I have been constantly hounded by them ever since.

I had stopped crying now and the stewardess came over with a glass of water. "The captain says we land in five minutes Miss Swan" she said in her British accent as she handed me the water.

"Thank you Alicia" I replied.

"Great. I can't wait to answer more questions about my personal life" I said sarcastically.

"Don't worry to much about it, it will be fine." said Allana

We were beginning the decent down to Seattle and I suddenly felt exhausted and cold. I didn't think much of it as I thought that it was just that I haven't eaten since yesterday. I must have been in another world because soon enough Allana was rubbing my shoulder and telling me that we had landed and it was time to get off the plane.

"What time is it Allana?" I sighed as we walked to the door of the plane.

"Uhm, 10.30am."

"Great" I grumbled.

"Yeah, but by the time we get past the reporters and crap it will be about eleven probably."

"Good point" I said as I put on my sun glasses.

And right on Que as we walked down the stairs onto the tarmac the cameras started flashing and microphones were shoved in my face. I ignored them and walked over to the doors of the airport. As we walked through the doors more reporters and photographers where waiting.

"_Bella! When did you finish chemotherapy, what was your reaction when you were diagnosed... blah blah blah"_

I was in the middle of giving an answer to one of the reporters when I froze as I swear I saw Alice and the other Cullen's looking at me, I shook my head and decided I was seeing things.

**APOV**

When the plane landed I was the first one out the door and the rest of the family followed close behind. We went to the luggage carousel to get our bags when we caught that scent.

We all turned and looked around and we saw the paparazzi surrounding a brunette and a blonde girl like from my vision. We couldn't see them well because of all the reporters and such but the brunette girl looked really familiar. She was wearing sunglasses and her hair went to about 4 inches below her shoulders and had a curl to it.

She was in the middle of answering a question when she froze and looked over towards us and shook her head then looked away. Just like in my vision. I just couldn't place where she was from. I was lost in thought when I felt Rosalie pulling my arm saying our rental was waiting.

I followed Rosalie out of the airport but before I walked out the door I turned and looked one last time at the girl but she was gone.

We went straight to our hotel to drop off our bags before we went over to the hospital to see Carlisle. I was standing out on the balcony trying to figure what it was about that girl that was so familiar.

"Alice? What's on your mind dear?" Esme asked. I jumped I didn't hear her come out.

"Well it's just that when we were at the airport that human we could smell, there was something about her that was so familiar but I can't figure out what. A small part of me is telling me that it was Bella but a larger part is telling me it's just some human who smells like her and it's really getting to me because I doubt that it was Bella but then again it could have been because you saw on the plane that she is famous now and I just want to know so I can focus on other stuff like getting Edward to come home and realising he needs her in his life so he can function properly. So we can all function properly."

"I'm sure it was just another human dear. If it was Bella I think we would have known."

"Yeah I know but that girl at the airport is the same girl we will see at the hospital."

"Well I guess we will find out who she is when we see her."

"I guess you're right." I sighed.

"Alice, Esme are you guys ready to go?" called Rosalie.

"Yeah, we're coming" I said as I walked back inside.

The sooner I find out who that girl is the better.

**BPOV**

Just after I thought I saw the Cullen's I felt more exhausted than before and I now had a headache. Allana must have noticed because she signalled the security guards and they pushed the media aside so we could get out.

The ride home wasn't much better my head was now pounding and dizziness was added so I felt a lot worse. When we arrived home Allana was getting concerned.

"Are you feeling okay Bells? You look really pale." slight panic was in her voice.

"I think that it's because I haven't eaten since yesterday."

"Well in that case go take some Tylenol and go relax on the couch and I will get us something to eat."

"Allana I'm fine really. Besides I'm not that hungry." I complained.

"Bella stop being so stubborn because you're not fine now go." she commanded.

"Fine." I sighed.

I went and got some Tylenol out of the medical cupboard and got a glass of water then headed over to the couch. But just as I got to the steps heading down to the living room I dropped the glass I was holding and I collapsed then started heaving.

"BELLA!" screamed Allana. She dropped whatever it was she had in her hand and ran over to me at vampire speed.

"Bella, Bella talk to me." her voice was panic stricken and tears were running down her face.

I tried to talk but instead of words coming out of my mouth. I vomited.

"Oh shit. Bella hang on I will get you a drink." she was back in seconds with a glass in hand.

"Here honey drink this." she said as she lifted the glass to my mouth. I tried to drink the water but I just vomited it back up.

When I looked at the water I threw up I noticed it was red. I threw up again and there was more blood.

"Oh my god Bella hold on I'm calling an ambulance." she panicked.

Allana grabbed her cell out of her pocket and dialled 911.

I tuned her out as she talked on the phone. I concentrated on not throwing up. I was unsuccessful.

"Bella, honey the ambulance is on it's way."

I had thrown up a lot more blood by the time the ambulance arrived. The ambulance got here in three minutes but that three minutes felt like a lot longer.

I was feeling weaker by the minute and everything seemed to be getting darker.

"Come on Isabella stay with us, we are nearly there." said one of the paramedics. Their voice seemed to be far away.

I threw up again and this time there seemed to be more blood than before as I could taste it and I could feel it in my throat. I felt like I was drowning.

"Okay sweety we are here now just hold on a little longer. Don't close your eyes." said the same paramedic.

I was being rushed into the E.R when I threw up once again. I then saw Carlisle talking to five people before he ran over and everything went black.

**AN: And there you have it the final re-write of the chapters. I hope you enjoyed them more than the originals... please tell me what you think :)**

**with love,**

**glittersniffer**

**xx**


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE TWILIGHT SERIES OR THE CHARACTERS THEY BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER HOWEVER SOME OF THE CHARACTERS IN THE STORY BELONG TO ME!! I ALSO DO NOT OWN THE SONGS AND THE ARTISTS NAMES WILL BE POSTED AT THE BEGINNING OF EACH CHAPTER!!**

**CHAPTER 4**

**CPOV**

I was walking back out into the ER after finishing up with a patient who fell out of a tree and broke their arm, when I swear if I were human I would have had a heart attack after I saw what was waiting for me in the waiting room.

Sitting in the tacky chairs of the waiting room were Esme, Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie.

"Oh Crap" I muttered under my breath. Suspicion must have gotten the best of them about why I am here all the time.

Esme looked up from the old interior design magazine she was reading and when her eyes met mine the most beautiful smile stretched across her face. Oh how I love her.

She got up from the chair she was seated in and walked over and the others followed. Well Alice bounced over and nearly knocked me off my feet from the force of her hug.

"I've missed you Carlisle" She said cheerfully.

"I've missed you too" I chuckled

When Alice released me from her embrace Esme jumped into my arms.

"You have no idea how much I have missed you these past two weeks" She said in to my chest.

"Oh I think I have an idea" I laughed lightly as she pulled out of our embrace, but I kept an arm around her waist.

"Where's Edward?" I asked.

"In an attic somewhere in South America as far as I know" Alice grumbled. The others looked upset.

"Why the long faces?"

"Because Edward is being his usual stubborn self and won't come home. Ever since we left Forks he's been wallowing in self pity. I mean if he misses her that much why doesn't he just go back to her so we are all happy. I hate everyone being so down all the time" Rosalie complained. She crossed her arms and looked at nothing in particular to her right. Everyone, including myself stood there frozen in shock at the statement Rosalie just made.

She looked back at us and gave us a weird look. "What?" she snapped. We said nothing. "Fine! I'll admit it, I kind of miss Bella. There I said it, are you happy?!" We still stood there frozen and then Alice pounced on her and tightly hugged her, and Rosalie reluctantly wrapped her arms around Alice's small frame. When they pulled apart I spoke.

"Don't worry I'm sure he will come home when he's ready"

"Doubt it" Emmett snickered.

"Mmm, anyway what are you doing here? I was going to be home next week"

"Well, I had a vision about a girl and we were curious" Alice chirped

"What was it about?" I asked. Curiosity was getting the best of me.

Alice explained the visions she had and half way through explaining the second vision in which she had on the plane the ER doors burst open and Paramedics came through.

"Bella" I muttered to low for anyone to hear. I ran at a human pace over to her and when I reached the gurney she blacked out.

**

* * *

**

**APOV**

While explaining my second vision to Carlisle the doors burst open and thee Paramedics came in. The events of my first vision were now a reality.

Carlisle mumbled something to low and fast for us to hear and ran over to them. That's when I saw the girls face...

* * *

**AN: That's the fourth chapter I hope you liked it...**

**KIDDING! I wouldn't do that to you guys especially after not updating in so long.**

"BELLA!" I screamed.

"What?!" The others said in unison

"The girl... the girl from my vision. I was right, it's Bella"

I felt weak, like my legs were going to give way at any given second. I wanted to cry. Seeing my best friend like that hurt way too much. She looked as if her life was being drained from her.

* * *

I waited with my family in the waiting area for what felt like hours. Carlisle finally graced us with his presence and I was anxious to find out what was going on and if Bella was okay, but before i could ask he ushered us into his temporary office. As soon as the door to his office closed I lost it.

"What the hell is going on here Carlisle? Have you been lying to us all this time?" I shouted

"Alice honey calm down" Esme said softly.

"Calm down! How the hell can I calm down when my best friend in currently in the ICU getting treated for something that I am absolutely clueless about! And the reason why I don't know what is wrong with her is because no one will give me any fucking answers!"

"Alice I know that you're upset but I need you to calm down and then I will give you as many answers as possible" Carlisle said in a fatherly tone. Just as he said this I felt a wave of calmness wash over me and I turned and glared at Jasper but he merely shrugged his shoulders.

Carlisle sighed before starting. "As you all know I came to Seattle three weeks after we left Forks, but for up until February I was travelling down to Forks. Bella was of course the reason but it's not my place to tell you the reason why. If she wants to tell you then she will tell you when she is ready, so until then I think it's best that you don't push her into telling you. Do you understand?" We all nodded.

"Dad, where is she? I want to see her"

"Room 608"

"Thanks" I muttered and then slipped out of the door. I ran at a human pace through the hospital although it seemed as though I was never going to get there and then I finally got to the corridor where her room was situated.

_601, 602, 603, 604, 605, 606, 607, 608._

"Finally" I muttered.

I peeked through the glass panel on the door and my heart shattered at the sight. Bella lay there pale, still and fragile. She was hooked up to an IV and a heart monitor. Her heart was beating at a steady pace but I didn't need the heart monitor to tell me that.

There was a girl I have never seen before sitting at her bedside closest to the door with Bella's hand in her own and her shin was resting on her other arm.

I knocked quietly and her head turned to the door. I opened it a crack and popped my head through.

"Is it okay if I come in?" I asked quietly. The girl nodded. I walked around to the other side of the bed and pulled a chair over and took Bella's other hand in mine as I sat down.

"She looks so fragile" I whispered "Like even the slightest touch could break her"

"She's been broken for a long time now, but sadly in more ways than one" The girl said softly.

"What do you mean?" She looked at me. Her eyes showed no emotion.

"Ask your brother Alice" she said coldly.

"Oh, I should have... wait how do you know who I am?"

"Easy. You're her best friend so she speaks of you often" If I could cry I would be blubbering like a baby.

* * *

We both sat there not talking, not moving for hours. The rest of my family apart from Carlisle who was still on duty but came in regularly to check on her, came in about an hour after myself and none of us have moved since.

Rosalie was on Emmett's lap on the arm chair in the corner, Jasper stood close to the door not breathing and Esme sat next to me holding my hand in hers while I held Bella's.

It was eight thirty before anyone spoke and that person was me. Only because I saw her waking up fifteen minutes from now.

"She will be waking up soon" I said quietly. No one said anything in return but I did see everyone nod out of the corner of my eye.

* * *

The fifteen minutes passed in the same fashion as the past nine hours, but everyone tensed when her left index finger twitched and her eyes fluttered open...

"Hi..."

**AN: There we go that's the fourth chapter for you guys... About two maybe three more chapters to go until the return of Edward... I wonder how he will react to seeing Bella again but more importantly discovering her illness?! Anyway I'm so sorry that I haven't updated in such a long time but I had no clue on how to write this chapter and plus school has been hectic ever since August... year 11 sucks big time! But good news... starting next Tuesday I'm on summer holidays for eight yes that's right EIGHT weeks and then I'm a senior argh scary! So hopefully I will get a lot more writing done... especially seeing as the first week of my holidays will be spent with my grandmother so I will be bored with nothing to do so I will prolly do a lot of writing, and in the second week I probably won't get anything done because on the 11th TWILIGHT PREMIERS HERE IN AUSTRALIA so most of my time will be spent at the movies lol! I'm still peeved that I have to wait and extra two weeks =(... any way thank you so, so much for being so patient and a special thanks to all of my reviewers! I will update again as soon as I possibly can I pinkie swear!**


	5. Chapter 5

**DISCLAIMER:  
ME: I own _EVERYTHING_MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
STEPH: HA! You wish!  
ME: Oh go shag your dog a girl can dream. *mumbles stoopid natty hoe...*  
****STEPH: I HEARD THAT!!!!  
****ME: Damn**

**Chapter 5**

**BPOV**

Everyday since I found out I had cancer, I always wonder which day is going to be my last. I'm not afraid of dying, I'm only afraid of not getting the closure I have gone out of my way to try and find.

When I collapsed in my apartment I thought for sure that it was time but I wasn't ready. I wanted Carlisle to tell _you know who_ that I loved him and that I was sorry for everything, but before the words could leave my mouth, my world was succumbed by darkness.

_He_ was there. In the abyss that I though was death. If this was death than it was the most pleasurable experience I have ever had. We were in the meadow. Both of us dressed in white. He stood in the centre sparkling like diamonds in the sunlight. His warm golden eyes were locked on mine, shining with love and adoration. He was also smiling that dazzling crooked smile that makes me weak. My feet moved on their own accord, towards the Adonis that will forever hold my heart.

When I reached him he took my left hand in his right and entwined our fingers. His cold, hard skin felt so real. I sighed in happiness.

Looking into his eyes, I forgot that he ever left. I smiled softly and closed my eyes, leaning my head against his chest and breathing in his scent. But something was off, he didn't wrap his arms around me like he used too.

I pulled away, looking into his eyes once more but this time mine didn't mirror his, mine held confusion. His eyes were no longer warm, they were lifeless like the day he left and they also held pain. Tears stung my eyes and I closed them once again to keep them from escaping.

He couldn't leave me. I don't think I could go through that kind of pain again, once was enough. My heart sped up in anticipation, just waiting for him to say those words once more.

I tried backing away but his grip on our entwined hands tightened to the extent that I couldn't get away but wasn't painful. I kept my eyes closed wishing that when I opened them again his eyes would shine with love like they did when I first came here.

The atmosphere around me seemed to be changing. Like everything was fading away. The relaxing sound of the bubbling stream was replaced with an annoying beeping, but the feeling of his cold hard skin remained.

I tried opening my eyes but the bright light of a strange room made me tightly shut them again. As I became more aware of my surroundings, the more uncomfortable I became. The grip on my left hand tightened again, and I noticed the slightly warm one on my right for the first time. My eyes fluttered open again. The room I was in started coming into focus. It felt like someone was repeatedly hitting me in the head with a sledge hammer and the light of the room did nothing to help the constant thumping. I groaned just wanting the light and the pounding in my head to disappear. My throat was dry and I felt sick to my stomach.

"Hi…" I whispered to Allana so quietly that I barely heard myself.

"Oh Bella. Thank god you're alright." I heard a familiar melodic voice say from my left.

I turned my head slightly to see who the familiar voice belonged too. I was shocked to say the least too see nearly the entire Cullen family, with the exception of two family members, at my bedside.

I didn't know how to react to seeing them here. I didn't know if I wanted to be angry at Carlisle for telling them I was here or if I wanted to hug them as tight as I could and never let them go.

"What are you doing here?" My voice was hoarse from my throat being so dry. I felt Allana leave from beside me to get me a glass of water.  
"We were worried about you." Alice said quietly

"Did Carlisle tell you I was here?" My anger was bubbling its way to the surface.

"No. We were already here in Seattle"

"Why?" I was getting frustrated.

"We came to see Carlisle and I was going to sneak off to Forks to see you. That is until I saw you at the airport. I didn't know it was you at first because of your sunglasses and such but then when you were bought into the E.R I realised it was you who I saw. And why on earth do you scare us like that. I didn't know what to think, especially with my visions being so fuzzy lately." Alice said. She sounded like she was choking back sobs as she spoke. Seeing her and the rest of the family look so hurt because of me being in danger so to speak made my own tears trail down my face on to the pillow.

"Please tell us what is going on dear. We can't bear to see you like this." Esme whispered.

I took a deep breath and drank the water Allana gave me as I tried to figure out how to tell them that I had Leukaemia and I have probably relapsed, and if I was I would need to start treatment again ASAP.

I took another deep breath and began to tell me story on why and how I ended up here.

By the end of it the entire family looked to be holding back sobs and Allana was silently crying as she tightly held my hand.

I heard the door open as Carlisle came into tell me what happened and what was going to happen. It was just as I expected.

"The cancer has come back and it is more aggressive than what it was before and there are limited options on what we could do. If we start the chemo and radiation therapy straight away that should give us time to find you a match for a stem cell transplant." Carlisle looked worried as he told us this.

"I don't want the treatment…"

"What?!" everyone yelled in unison apart from Carlisle. He knew this was coming and there was nothing he could do about it.

"Are you crazy?! Bella you can't do this!" Allana panicked.

"You can't give up. We need you. Please don't do this." Alice pleaded. I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"Instead of jumping to conclusions and listen to what I have to say maybe you would have realised I wasn't finished." The room was silent once again. "I don't want the treatment _if_ I'm going to be stuck in a hospital for months. I don't want to live like that. Hooked up to an IV 24/7 in an uncomfortable bed. I can't do that. The first time was bad enough."

"Well come live with us." Everybody was stunned. The fact that it was Rosalie who said this astounded me.

"Rosalie it's a generous offer but I can't be a burden to you all like that."

"Sweetheart you couldn't be a burden if you tried." Esme chuckled lightly.  
"It's not just that though but what if the treatment doesn't work this time. I mean if I wasn't supposed to die from cancer then I wouldn't be here and I would still be on remission about to go on tour and you would all be back wherever it is you're living now."

"Bella, honestly it wouldn't be a problem, I have all the necessary equipment for the chemo at our house in Alaska. You will only need to go to the hospital for the radiation therapy."

"I-I don't know what to say. You have all been so grateful I don't think there is anything in this world that I could do to repay you."

"All you have to do is get better" Esme said softly as she squeezed my hand.

* * *

I was released from hospital four days after I was admitted and Carlisle made hasty arrangements in Alaska for my arrival while I stayed in my appartment with Alice, Esme and Allana while Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie went back to Alaska with Carlisle to help with the preparations. Charlie came to see me when I called him after I was released from hospital and Renee was on a plane as soon as she got the phone call from Charlie. I discussed the plans to stay with the Cullen's and have my treatment in their home with my parents and they both agreed that if it was what I wanted then it was for the best. Being in 24 hour care made the parental units agree to the decision that much easier although Charlie was a bit reluctant at first thinking that _he _was going to be there but after Esme reassured him that _he_ was away at 'boarding school in London'and he wouldn't be home any time soon he agreed.

I have been staying with the Cullen's now for nearly two months and Allana has bonded with the Cullen's exceptionally well. The mansion here was almost as grand as the one back in Forks. The only difference about the one here was that it over looked a breathtaking lake.

My chemo therapy has been going well and I had my stem cell transplant not long after I arrived. I have lost a lot of weight because of the chemo and the fatigue is taking its toll on me. I have hardly left my bed in almost two weeks, Doctor's orders, and I want a change of scenery. Other than only being able to leave my room so I can use the bathroom I couldn't be happier. Maybe things are looking up for me after all.

Or so I thought...

**AN: Hey Guys I know you're all probably angry with me for not updating in almost a year but I promise I have a good reason and the reason is senior year is hectic with exams, assignments, QCS, Formal preparations, organizing TAFE courses etc and I haven't had time to update plus the fact that major inspiration struck me and I am in the process of writing my own book… exciting huh.**

**Anyways back on track… the next chapter for _The Life I Keep, _(formerly known as_ I Can't Break It To My Heart_) is in full swing so hopefully it will be posted no later than Saturday next week (due to exam block this week and then exams are nearly finished FOREVER!!)… I swear on the soon to be mine Gold Class tickets for New Moon, which I will be watching hung over on November 19th (the day after formal, hence the hangover lol) and BTW Australia rocks cause we get it technically 2 days before the States cause of the time difference WOOP WOOP!! SO SO PSYCHED!!**

**Thank you once again for being so patient with me and if I can I will try and get Chapter 6 posted tomorrow night!!! Also thanks to my reviewers you guys are the reason I keep writing!!**

**With love  
****Glittersniffer  
****xx**


	6. Chapter 6

**DISCLAIMER: Oh how I wish Edward was mine and mine only!!! **

**Chapter 6 **

Snow fell steadily outside the large window of my new room. A room that was bright, unfamiliar yet comforting. As I lie on my new bed watching the snow fall and create a blanket of white over the outside world I heard the soft click of the door shutting. No doubt Alice or Esme checking in to make sure I was okay. I blocked out the noise of the commotion downstairs, and focused on the intent nothingness. The sounds of nature were so different than Forks or Seattle. I was waiting for the rain to start hammering against the window, for the wind to make the branches of the tree in the front yard at Charile's to scrape against my window or sirens to randomly start somewhere in the city. But everything out here was silent. A sound I hadn't become accustomed to. The snow made me restless. Its silence was uncomfortable, most of the time I just want to go outside and scream just to make some noise.

Staying with the Cullen's in Alaska wasn't originally on the agenda. My original plan once I was discharged from hospital was taking a break from my career while laying low back home in Forks for a while. Well that was until Rosalie suggested the idea of coming to live with them.

When I first came here it was like I didn't have a life changing disease, it was like I was a normal, healthy human being. I was happy again for the first time in over a year and I was thinking maybe things will be better for me, even if a certain someone was absent from my life. But I was wrong.

_Flashback - Yesterday._

_Today was a good day. The nausea that I have been feeling for the past couple of days has subsided and I was actually able to get out of bed to take a shower. It was wonderful to feel the warm water on my skin and to feel clean again. My hair was no longer the tangled mess after being able to wash it. _

_I was standing in front of the vanity mirror watching myself as I ran a hand through my hair before brushing it. At first I thought my hair was longer, until I realised that my hand was no longer in my hair, but there was a clump of it between my fingers. I gasped after realising that I was holding my breath and tears started to sting my eyes as reality set in. I was dying and now the visual effects of my treatment were starting to appear. The nausea was suddenly back and I was leaning over the toilet emptying my stomach._

_When I stopped I leaned back against the wall and pulled my knees to my chest as I let the tears spill over. Esme must of heard my sobbing because I was lifted from my place on the bathroom floor and taken back to my room where she held me while I cried._

_I don't know how long I cried or how long Esme held me but when I stopped sobbing Esme said she had something to tell me. At first I thought nothing of it but I was wrong it was something I didn't think I would ever hear before I died, let alone while I was staying with the Cullen's._

"_Alice had a vision" she started. "Alice wanted to tell you herself but I told her to go hunt and that I would tell you."_

"_What did she see?" I sniffled._

"_She saw Edward" My breathing hitched and my chest hurt. "She saw him coming home. He will be here sometime in the morning" With that said I started crying again._

_I cried because I knew that once he knew I was here he would leave again. He didn't want me and the rest of his family would be in trouble for having anything to do with me when they weren't supposed to. And I cried because if he saw me like this he would probably be disgusted with me. I loved him. But he no longer loved me. I sobbed harder and Esme held me once more until I fell into a dreamless slumber._

_End Flashback_

I turned my attention away from the window when I heard Esme whisper something to Allana. I rolled over to face them but the sudden movement had me sitting up reaching for the bucket that was on the side table. Luckily before I could empty the contents of my stomach onto the comforter Allana had the bucket on my lap where this mornings breakfast relocated to. As I heaved Allana held my hair, that was noticeably thinner, out of my face and rubbed soothing circles on my lower back while Esme had got me a glass of water and watched me with sad eyes wishing that she could do something to make me well again.

When I was finished with my lovely display Esme handed me the glass of water and then a piece of chewing gum.

"Thanks" I mumbled and then ran a hand through my hair. Once again there was another clump of hair in my fingers that mocked me, reminding me I was a weak pathetic human. Traitor tears made their way down my face as I stared at the clump of hair.

A knock at the door sounded and Alice popped her head inside before stepping fully into the room. She stopped before coming any further and looked at me, then at the hair in my hand and then back at my face. The look of regret and pain in her eyes was evident as she practically ran to me before embracing me in a hug where I cried into her shoulder.

* * *

When I first relapsed the doctors said that the chances of me going into remission again were not very high. With the all-_trans_ retinoic acid combined with the chemo is said that 70 – 80 percent of newly diagnosed APL patients achieve long term remission and are probably cured. I thought that I was lucky when I went into remission, but when I relapsed the doctors discovered that the reason I relapsed so quickly was because the cancer was more advanced than they thought.

Carlisle said before they did some tests a stem cell transplant might help but when the results came back they said that the stem cells won't do much at all. Chemo was an option but they said that it may not work because my leukemic cells are showing at 28 percent and my leukemia maybe too far along.

Carlisle said that my immune system is depleting because my white cell count is low and my high temperature is due to an infection in my stomach. My pain levels vary day to day but most of the time Jasper is close by to help with making it as painless as possible with the help of my pain medication when I want to take it. Carlisle also said that my good days will get further apart with time.

* * *

_He_ has been back for a few hours now and he still does not know of my presence but according to Alice he is curious to know what is in the far bedroom on the second floor and why Esme and herself are always in there.

Alice and Allana were giving me a manicure and Esme was reading a interior design magazine when Carlisle came in.

"On a scale of one to ten, hows your pain?" he asked

"Seven" I said

"Okay, we will do something about that. Jasper will be down the hall to help if you need it."

"Thanks Carlisle"

"Is there anything else you need Bella?"

"How is he?" He knew exactly what I was talking about.

"The same as he always is."

"Does he know?"

Carlisle shook his head. "Only if you want him to"

"Not just yet" I whispered.

"Get some rest sweetheart" Carlisle said and kissed me on the forehead then left.

* * *

I woke the next morning to Esme stroking my hair. I smiled up at her and she smiled back.

"Good-morning sweetheart" she said quietly

"Where is everyone?" I croaked.

"They went hunting, and I'm about to leave also, but I won't go far, three miles maximum so I will still be in hearing range if you need me if not Alice will also be close."

"Okay"

"We will be gone most of the day, Carlisle said you should be fine to get out of bed so feel free to move around the house if you are up to it, just don't exert yourself."

"I won't, I promise"

"Okay, I'll be back by four sweetheart" I nodded, she kissed my forehead and then she was gone.

I was feeling the best I had since I first relapsed, I was able to walk around and do things with no trouble at all. I started my day with a shower, letting the jets of water cascade down my back felt like heaven. My hair was now noticeably thinner and parts of my skull were completely bare. I wore a purple beanie that Esme knitted me to keep my head warm and mostly to cover up the places where there used to be hair.

I took the throw rug Rosalie gave me, downstairs into the sun room over looking the lake, where I sat and read and looked out at the vast mass of water for hours. It was nice to have a change of scenery. Being in the same room for to long does things to you.

After a while, I moved to the music room. I stood in the doorway for ages, just staring at the piano that belongs to the one person I desire to see most. I slowly moved toward it, as if I was waiting for it to get up and run away, and once I reached it I ran my fingertips across the smooth black frame. I sat at the bench and lifted the cover from the keys. I stared at it the keys for a while before I started playing the piece I wrote for _him_, like he wrote my lullaby for me.

I loved the way my fingers danced across the keys, creating such music that relaxes even the tensest people.

When the last note of the song that I have ever only played once before today, tears ran down my cheeks as I longed for Edward, the tears started falling faster at the thought of his name, but in a way I felt at peace.

I heard a gasp from the doorway where I stood only minutes ago.

I jumped from my place on the piano bench, and when I saw who was standing in the doorway I think my heart stopped.

**AN: It took me a while, but I finally got it finished. :) I had a very long period of writers block and I'm deeply sorry it took so long. I will get the next chapter done as soon as I can. Now that I have graduated from high school I find it hard to have as much time on my hands with working full time and spending as much time as possible with my boyfriend before he goes away to Uni *cries*. But please review and tell me what you think and if you have any ideas for future chapters, i would love to hear them. The next chapter is the official return of our favourite vampire :)**

**With love,  
glittersniffer  
xx**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

_**Previously**_

_When the last note of the song that I have ever only played once before today, tears ran down my cheeks as I longed for Edward, the tears started falling faster at the thought of his name, but in a way I felt at peace._

_I heard a gasp from the doorway where I stood only minutes ago._

_I jumped from my place on the piano bench, and when I saw who was standing in the doorway I think my heart stopped._

* * *

Seeing Edward standing in the doorway made me weak in the knees and I could feel my eyes stinging with the tears that were threatening to escape. He was here only meters away and yet I couldn't find it in me to move. We stood there staring at each other for what felt like hours before he took a step towards me. I took a step back in return, I was scared and I wasn't sure if I should run, not that it would have mattered, or to stay and let him come to me.

He took another step closer as I took another step back which caused me to fall onto the piano bench and that's when the tears spilled over. Why hasn't he run away yet or started questioning why I'm here.

He hesitantly made his way over to where I was seated and stopped at an arm's length in front of me. I looked up at him, tears still making their way down my cheeks. He crouches down so he is looking up at me and reaches out to cup my cheek with his right hand and wipes the tears away with his thumb. I lean into his hand and close my eyes. I was scared that when I opened them that this was all going to be a dream.

It wasn't. After all this time he was here with me and I'm finally getting the closure I have longed for. Just by his simple touch I can tell he has missed me as much as I have missed him. I slowly open my eyes and look into his. He's looking at me with such an intensity that makes you melt inside.

"Oh Bella" he whispers and I sigh in content. My frail fingers reach out to touch his face. I cup his cheek in my hand like he is currently cupping mine. He leans into my touch as I did his and he turns his head to the side to kiss my palm.

More tears fall as he his lips linger on my palm. After a moment he looks back at me and looks as though if he could cry himself he would be.

I can't help myself I lean forward on the bench and run my fingers through his soft locks of hair. He sighs and then sits up on his knees and leans forward he looks from my eyes to my lips and back to my eyes as if asking for permission, my eyes tell him yes and he closes the distance between us.

This kiss is unlike any kiss we have ever shared. The dark clouds that have been looming over my world are suddenly lifted and everything is how it's supposed to be, perfect.

The tears are falling freely now but they aren't from the shock of seeing him anymore, they're happy ones because this was almost like the reunion I always wished for. No spoken words, just us.

I kiss him back with equal fever. My fingers entwine themselves in his hair and I pull him closer. He is now situated between my legs and his chest is flush against mine.

My breathing hitches when he does something he has never done before. He crosses his boundaries and his icy tongue swipes over my lips asking for entrance. Of course I let him in.

The feeling of his tongue dancing with mine is like nothing I have ever experienced. He takes his time exploring my mouth as I do his, being careful of his razor sharp teeth.

Eventually I break away for air but he doesn't stop his exploring. He leaves open mouthed kisses across my jaw and down my neck and I can't help but let out a quiet moan at the feeling. He leaves one more kiss on my pulse point before pulling away. Resting his forehead against mine and holds me close for a moment before he sighs.

Sure our reunion is perfect but now comes the part we would both like to avoid. We need to talk no matter how much we don't want to.

* * *

He carried me up to his room where we both lay facing each other on the colossal bed that is situated in the middle of his room.

We lay there just looking at and touching each other for what felt like hours, as if we were making sure the other was really here and not just some hallucination.

He broke the silence by speaking first.

"I'm sorry" he murmured.

I got up from the bed as fast as I could manage without falling off of it and spun around to face him.

"Sorry? You're sorry? I needed you!" I yelled

"Bella…" He got off the bed and reached for my hand.

"No Edward!" I snatched my arm away. "You. broke. us! And all you have to say is sorry? I have never been so scared in my life; I needed you more than ever and I constantly fought with myself every day to not ask Carlisle to get you on the phone so I could tell you I love you and that I have cancer in hopes that you would come home but every time I was about to I would remember that you didn't love me!" By this point I was crying. Edward caught me before I sunk to the ground in tears. He carried me back to the bed where he held me tight while I cried in his arms.

When I finally stopped crying I just laid there in his arms not moving, not speaking, just breathing.

After a while I broke the silence.

"Why Edward?" I whimpered into his tear soaked shirt.

"I thought that by leaving I was protecting you and that you would move on and live a happy normal life"

"I thought that I was going to die without being able to tell you how much I love you and thinking that everything you said that day in the forest was true."

"I never stopped loving you. I did come back once, about two months after I left and you weren't home and I'm sorry I didn't find you now. If I had any idea I would have come back as soon as I knew. The thought of losing you, I can't… I can't bare it." The look in his eyes told me he meant every word. "Please forgive me Bella." He pleaded

"There's nothing to forgive." I whispered.

He told me everything and we talked for hours until eventually I fell asleep in his arms.

* * *

I woke with a start the next morning. The bed was empty and I sat up looking around the room trying to find Edward. He wasn't here. Everything was a dream.

The tears started falling as reality set in. I got up and made my way to the door, feeling stupid that I would think that something like that would ever happen. Just as I was about to reach for the handle the door opened and I jumped back.

"Bella?" He sat whatever it was he was carrying on top the chest of draws beside the door and pulled me into his arms. "What's wrong?" he asked as I cried into his chest.

"I thought everything that happened yesterday was a dream when I woke up by myself." I mumbled into his shirt.

"I was just going to get you some breakfast love. I'm here and im not going anywhere without you" He murmuredand kissed the top of my head before leading me back to the bed and gave me the tray with my breakfast on it. Blueberry pancakes and freshly squeezed organic orange juice. It smelled and tasted wonderful. I wasn't hungry until I took the first bite.

"Did you make this?" I asked with a mouth full of food. He nodded and laughed at me as I stuffed my face.

After I finished breakfast he took the tray and left me to have a human moment but not before giving me a good morning kiss which left me dizzy.

* * *

I made my way downstairs to the living room where the rest of the family were. Alice and Allana were is deep discussion about some fashion related matter, Jasper and Emmett were battling it out on Halo, Rosalie and Esme were knitting probably another blanket for me and Carlisle and Edward were nowhere to be seen.

I was disappointed when I couldn't see Edward and that's when Jasper looked up and gave me a smile which in turn made the rest of them look up. Allana and Alice made their way over and each gave me a hug before dragging me to the lounge and sitting either side of me.

"Where's Edward?" I asked

"With Carlisle in his office." Alice chirped with a smile. The two were looking at me with these big smiles and sparkling eyes that squealed spill. I huffed and decided I might as well get it over and done with. I told them every detail of mine and Edward's reunion and they awed and squeaked just like a couple of teenage girls gushing over their favorite celebrity.

As I finished giving them the details I saw Carlisle and Edward come down the stairs. Edward looked pained and for reasons unknown I started to panic. I stood up and he looked over to me and before I knew it I was in his arms and he was holding me like I would disappear at any given moment. Carlisle cleared his throat and Edward stepped back.

I knew what was coming. I for that I had another round of chemo today and Carlisle wanted to get started. Edward took my hand and we followed Carlisle to my room. I took my place on the bed and Carlisle hooked up all the necessary equipment for my treatment to begin.

"How are you feeling today Bella?" Carlisle asked as started to hook up my IV.

"Better than yesterday." I said with a smile.

"That's good to hear. What's your pain?"

"Two and a half maybe three, I'm not sure yet."

"Okay, if it gets any higher than five, let me know and we'll do something about it." He said seriously. I nodded.

"I'll give you two some privacy. I'll be back to check on you in a couple of hours." He said with a smile "Thanks Carlisle." He kissed me on the forehead and left the room.

Edward made his way over to the bed sat on the edge of it. I frowned and moved forward, he knew what I wanted him to do. Sitting between his legs and leaning against his chest was always my favourite way to lay with him when we were alone.

When I was comfortable he wrapped his arms around my waist leaned his chin on my shoulder. We stayed like that for about hour before he spoke.

"How are you feeling, really?" He asked

"I'm fine. Perfect actually." I sighed.

"Bella…" He knew.

"Fine, my pain is actually four and I'm…." He grabbed the bucket beside the bed and I emptied my stomach contents into it as he held my hair and rubbed my back.

I didn't hear the bedroom door open as Alice and Allana came in with water and a face cloth. They waited until I was done before Allana took the bucket to empty it and Alice gave me the water and the cloth to wipe my face and the bits of my hair that ended up in the mess.

Edward grabbed the pack of gum on my night stand and gave me a piece to chew on. I kissed him as thank you. Alice and Allana were already gone from the room before I got the chance to thank them as well.

"Edward?"

"Hmm…" He was playing with my fingers in his left hand and rubbing circles on my stomach with his right. It was distracting.

"What… What were you talking to Carlisle about before you came down stairs?" I asked. He sighed and hesitated.

"I was talking to him about your cancer." My stomach dropped.

"Oh…" I suddenly found our hands very interesting. I knew everything about my current status at the moment. I wasn't improving and Carlisle said I had six months at most.

"I'm scared Bella, I don't want to lose you. I'll do everything in my power to save you. Even if it means changing you, I won't survive in this world if you're not in it Bella." I was crying. I didn't have the heart to tell him what I decided when I first relapsed.

His arms tightened around me as I cried for the both of us.

* * *

**AN: Yeah, yeah I know its been over a year since I last updated but honestly I've hardly had time to even scratch my own ass within the last year... 32-55 hour weeks at work are not fun! Anyway hope you all like it... By the way I've been sick as with a pain in the ass head cold so if its crap that's why... R&R!**

**With love,  
glittersniffer  
xx**


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